"Everything in life has a reason," says Nathan Simmonds, who battled his own demons - chronic illness, bullying and drugs. These challenges helped him become a Leadership Coach and FreeMind™ Rapid Change Hypnotherapist - a radically trauma-informed professional helping people become better leaders by dealing with the 'stuff' from their past that’s holding them back.
"Every moment is a metaphor, a story trying to tell itself through your life in order to empower your life. But many of us just don’t know how to hear it, only learning how to read it in retrospect, and so we bumble through life at best, crash through it at worse constantly asking why is this happening to me?
Every moment in our lives is significant in some way, nothing happens for no reason, it acts as another domino tumbling forward that collides with another in order to make this very moment. Where you are now could not have happened without where you were.
At 9-years old I was a normal boy doing normal things. I didn’t know war, the nearest I came to that was the 6 o’clock news each night, getting the updates on some far-flung battle on some distant island.
And then one day the pain started, deep inside my belly, it all seemed so fast. Bits missing, other bits a blur.
Whisked to hospital, a perforated appendix, a routine operation, with routine recovery and everything was fine.
But it wasn’t.
The pain continued on, back and forth to hospital, diagnosed as trapped wind, an abscess, all wrong. Then by luck it was diagnosed as Crohn’s Disease.
A year long journey, lost weight, major surgery, restricted diets, tubes and pipes, radioactive dye injections, a deflated kidney.
That was my first real fight and I met it head on and laughed, and joked, and cried my way through it.
The nurses were wonderful, I’d never been in hospital before, didn’t know what to expect, was terrified at most of what was going on. Blood tests, and tubes sticking out of me. They did their best to put my mind at ease.
And as caring as they were to me, for me. They were truly trying to teach me compassion.
But I wasn’t listening, not yet.
A year or so on, no more tubes up noses, eating fairly normally, while I was walking home - that’s when the bullying started.
I’m tall, I think perhaps as some sort of saving grace, they thought I was the same age as them, not that it made it right. Maybe if they had known I was younger maybe they wouldn’t have, but none the less it was terrifying.
A group of boys, 4 maybe 5, from another school decided to make me their entertainment. It started as verbal abuse, then spitting, then became physical, punching and shoving. It felt like it lasted a life time.
I couldn’t tell my brother, he was the toughest kid in school.
He eventually got expelled for fighting with the headmaster.
All the girls wanted to be with him, all the guys wanted to hang out with him, I didn’t want to tell him, and at 12, maybe 13 I didn’t want him to think I was less of a man.
I couldn’t tell my dad, he was a police officer, that would be embarrassing and again, would just lead to further reprisals down the line.
So I bottled it up, would walk the long way home, and run the last 20 minutes so I arrived at the same time every evening, so no one would ask questions.
These young teenagers were teaching me to set boundaries, to stand up for myself, to ask for help when I needed it. But I didn’t know how, couldn’t find the words, because no one had ever taught me the words.
So instead of asking for help I got angry.
So I did what many young adults do and became a bully, got a name, got a reputation, got left alone. Put on the mask, put on the persona, pushed the pain down and pushed people around.
I became aggressive in school, enjoyed rubbing up against authority, looking like the big man, getting in trouble, everything anti-social. Smoking weed and popping pills just to make things entertaining.
Just to be seen, just for some sort of notoriety. Reputation, big man, small pond, and yet really not that big, just recognisable, but that came with some sense of safety.
But there was always something else, a calling a desire for something else, something more, but never put truly into words, no one ever really asked what it was all about, what I was about.
And then eventually, with the right person in my life I did leave town, went travelling for over year, Thailand, into Australia. But still oh-so full of myself, wandering the world to prove myself still trying to be big man, small pond, out in the world with no ****ing clue.
Came back with the stories, some sense of glory, a set of dreadlocks to add to the persona. And stepped right back into the same, but now with even more fervour. I’d seen the world, now felt even more of a square peg in a round hole, small town mentality, big heart aspirations and the two just didn’t mix. The self-medication increased, the quantity amplified, in order to nullify. Quieten out, dumb down, shut-down, close off, self-anaesthetised just to get by.
Just to cope.
But the voice was loud.
And the sense of lack, of self-compassion, self-awareness, near zero.
And the compassion that I had been shown, the boundaries I was given to explore, were completely ignored.
Things went from good to bad, and bad to worse.
A business offer on the table for a kilo of cocaine, a broken relationship with a woman on the other side of the world, a broken relationship with myself surrounded by broken people that were supposed to be my best friends pushing me to my ends.
16 E’s and over 5 grams of Coke in one sitting.
And my body broke.
I went too far.
My world fell apart, physically, psychologically, emotionally.
That was the week that everything changed.
Eventually I began to truly understand that hurt people, hurt people.
As I stood on the edge of a metaphorical precipice looking into the abyss, I had a choice.
If I carried on it meant death or imprisonment.
And that’s not what I came here for.
And over time I began to realise that it takes the same energy to build you up as it does to destroy you.
It’s just a matter of how you direct it.
I read once that the knife in the hand of a heart surgeon will save your life, and in the hand of criminal it’ll end your life.
In that turning point, I began to remember I had a purpose. And went looking for it.
Because there is a biological and physiological truth.
Everything in you, around you and about you is a solution to a problem.
Even in nature. Wasps to Badgers to Whales and everything in between - because everything in nature has a purpose.
Nothing is surplus to requirement, nothing is spare, a seventh finger in an AI misrepresentation of life.
Nothing.
Anything that is not needed, not necessary, no longer of use is eliminated, obsolete and removed from the evolutionary machine. And even then, it isn’t wasted. It’s simply composted back into the whole to be reused somewhere else.
And so, it stands to reason that you have a purpose.
It’s undeniable. It’s there, hidden under layers of other people’s opinions, kept in the dark by over active safety mechanisms making sure that you don’t play too big, step too far outside your comfort zone, or stick your head above the parapet.
But the parapet is just an idea in our heads. Their opinion is what we think they think of us, and our comfort zone is somewhere we think is safest. And yet, that ‘s not where we’re meant to live, it’s not safe at all. A restrictive cocoon, that throttles our metamorphosis into something greater and grander.
The Human brain craving safety, security and a sense of ease, while the Spirit pushes at the edges, screams for more, thirsts for exploration, expansion and evolution.
And our poor Soul gets caught in the middle of some metaphysical tug-o-war wondering why we get stuck, inert and procrastinating, giving ourselves a hard time because we were led to believe we could have it all, but unable to act because we don’t feel good enough to succeed.
So we admit defeat. To admit it, to let it in like a long-forgotten cousin come home to take up residence, slipping its comfortable feet under the table.
We use clever words to make ourselves feel better for not stepping out, we hold ourselves back, hold ourselves down, clocking in but constantly checked out.
Tuned into the static fuzz of just getting by.
But that’s not what you’re here for.
You’re the solution.
You just got given a faulty map of the map by people that didn’t know how to navigate and ended up lost.
Well-wishers and do-gooders without any clue, encouraging you to dim it down, play it safe because other wise you might make them look bad or insecure.
This isn’t about them, that’s their responsibility to go find themselves, to unf**k themselves.
Your responsibility is to step full-power into your own capability, to unleash the potential and not go chasing it.
To remember your why, that feeling, that idea inside that brings a tear to your eye.
To do that thing that makes your heart swell, fit to burst, full and over flowing, brimming with passion.
To re-find your courage – “Cour” from the French for heart, “Coeur” and Rage; a vehement desire or passion.
To step into your courage, the heart-rage, to live that, and breath it and to let that be an invitation, and an example, a testament to a way of living.
To find the problem you’re here to solve, not to find a problem for every solution, to find possibility, not blind optimism.
Know this also, it’s not about re-finding you. It’s like that quote about not being a ten dollar note in an old winter coat.
You don’t find yourself, you’re not lost, it might feel that way, you’re already there, right here, looking at yourself in the mirror. Looking yourself in the eye.
It’s not about awakening either, really. Many of us are sleep-walking awake, just doing our time, grinding it out, and just feeling ground down.
It’s truly about the remembering.
Remembering who you are, what you came here for.
Remembering moments where you didn’t live up to your heart’s truest and highest calling.
Remembering what you know you needed to bring, not from a place of guilt or shame, from a place of self-respect.
Remembering the promise you made to yourself, before you even stepped into this life. That contract you made at soul level, to do something, to be something, to live a certain way, to bring a certain gift, a certain smile.
Remembering that everything has a reason, some were hard lessons - the gifts in funny wrapping paper.
Remembering that you have the tools, the experience, the know-how and the inspiration to do something positive, something great, something unheard of.
Some inspiration to share.
Some invitation to pass forward.
But we get led to believe that it’s not our place, not our time, we’re too much, it’s too hard.
So we pull back.
Worrying about what people might think or say.
For fear of making a mistake, for not being good enough.
For fear of losing love, for being disowned, left out, abandoned and cold.
So we meet their expectation, and just pull ourselves up short to not overshadow.
We measure ourselves against their yardstick and wonder why we keep coming up short.
We lose ourselves on their faulty map, and wonder why we’re still feeling lost.
Life becoming the affliction, and self-perceived ineptitude is the actual cost.
But none of it’s true.
It’s what we think other people think of us.
What we were led to believe.
So we speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to our own children, and think it’s ok.
But if you met a small child, going through what you went through, or struggling with what you’re struggling with, what would you say to them?
What words of encouragement?
What words of possibility?
What words of positive affirmation would you use to enable them to step up again?
So, say that to you.
To your inner self.
Give yourself a break, give yourself a moment to pause, to breathe, to reflect, to dust yourself off, let yourself know that you’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting with experience, that you’ve come further than you ever imagined, achieved more than many simply dream about.
Have done so much already that your younger self is probably blown away by what you’ve accomplished.
To take a moment to celebrate you.
To take a moment to pat yourself on the back.
To take a moment to hold yourself in high regard. And yes, things may not have gone according to plan, and you still got up after being knocked down.
That you found another way forward, another way round.
That you have got more to give. Toe to toe, pound for pound.
Some new possibility to share from what you’ve learned.
And no, you may not be churning out picture perfect social media posts like some inflamed influencer. Because that’s not what you came here to be.
That’s not what your purpose is about.
Your purpose is a statement of truth about who you truly are and the gift that you’ve brought into this life to express, to demonstrate to others as you enable them to go further than you ever could.
You are the evolutionary step that enables a child to fly.
And you can either hold a belief that your wings have been clipped or you can spread your arms, and open your chest, stand tall, stand proud and bring all of you to the occasion.
To remember yourself in that moment.
In every moment.
To take a moment to reflect about what makes your heart fit to burst?
What fills you with pride?
That overwhelming, awe-inspiring sense of a full heart.
That moment where you watch your child perform in the school play, that moment where a team member got promoted, that moment where you landed your dream client … that moment that you “just” survived?
Take a moment to reflect, to introspect.
Those moments that made your eyes wet with positive feelings, of self-recognition, or seep self-appreciation. These are the moments that need remembering.
Write those things down, relive those moments, just the moments where the emotions felt good, vibrant, inclusive.
And then, what about joy, what activates joy inside of you?
What memories do you hold, what moments come up that made you smile, made you laugh, where you got so excited for a moment in life, for life itself?
What were you doing?
What were you contributing?
What were you sharing?
What were you giving to somebody else?
Remember those moments.
Where you felt that deep pride, that deep joy.
No matter how small, or subtle. Notice those moments inside of you, inside of a memory.
And it’s not about whether you’re allowed, or what happened before or after.
It’s about anchoring into a sense, a feeling that exists in you always.
That can’t be taken away, can’t be dimmed, extinguished or removed. It’s there, a part of you.
Intrinsic, innate and inherent.
Herein lies the gold.
Those things that you did.
Those things that you gave.
Those words that you said.
That lifted someone else, raised them up, encouraged them.
That’s where your purpose lives.
That’s where the gift of you resides. That thing that is said to have been hidden inside of you in the old creator myths of the indigenous tribes.
Your gift, your light, was hidden inside of you, the place where you were taught never to go. The thing that you were taught to disavow, cut away, smother and ignore.
And yet.
No matter where you go, no matter how fast you run, no matter what was said, or what was done.
Your gift is always there waiting for you.
Your purpose is just one breath away from being remembered back into existence.
Brought back with a word, an action, a verb.
It’s the way that you live. The way that you love.
The thing that you do. It’s not the job you show up for it’s the way you do it, the thing that sparks the most interest, the most joy, it’s who you are and who you could be. No matter what you do, making toilet rolls or flipping burgers. It’s how you show up every time when you’re in your deepest truth.
It’s your inspiration.
It’s how you inspire.
And that is infinite, always, forever. Not a candle to burn out, it’s a perpetual possibility. Potent potential. Something to draw upon, to draw up.
A reservoir of permanent energy to be tapped into.
A creative force for making things better than how you found them.
A way of being that doesn’t take advantage, that lives in service.
A guiding compass to help cut through the noise of modern life, of cluttered thinking, of tarnished mental health and corroding well-being.
Because as we live in more joy, more pride, feeling more inspired - then anxiety and depression diminish, dissolve, and disappear.
Yes, we might feel them, and yet we have a driving cause. An overt purpose to deliberately act upon.
And rather than feel that self-denial, that self-repression that dredges up the anxiety that makes us pull away, we slot another brick in the wall of self-denial.
Yet when we feel that spark of possibility of self-actualised, alive, undenied - then that wall starts to break.
Brick by brick. Deliberately opening a new possibility for more of that thing that makes you heart sing.
A wide-open space within us to be ourselves, to run wild, to run free.
For you to be you, and me to be me."
