Now 13 years into recovery from drug addiction, alcoholism and Bi-Polar disorder, Kenneth Michael Knight has found purpose writing Precipice: A Recovery Manual.
"When I think back over the situations I have survived, I’m reminded that my purpose is to relay hope. Hope to those who are struggling with addiction, alcoholism or mental health concerns.
I have found that it still takes work to stay on the straight and narrow. I have first-hand knowledge of the mental health care and incarceration systems from both sides of the aisle and recently my purpose has also moved into male on male sexual abuse advocacy.
My story begins in a small quiet town, where the athletic fields were only a few blocks away. I could walk there with ease and I enjoyed playing my three sports. Baseball, football and eventually wrestling. I loved to be on the field of competition and I would escape any drama at home while engaged in sports. These competitions would bring about a zen state in which the world would momentarily disappear.
Unfortunately, at ten years old I was groomed and molested by a close family friend. This was someone I viewed as an older brother and a protector. I also trusted this person with my life. The emotional turmoil that resulted from this abuse caused me to quit my three sports, dive into drug use, drinking alcohol and selling illegal substances. My schooling also fell by the wayside. I had to attend summer school to pass 9th grade and was required to completely repeat 11th grade.
At age 16 I was hospitalised for depression and addiction. I floundered through my teenage years and by 21 (an age when most young adults celebrate the ability to drink legally), I found myself depressed, broken and reeling from an existence lived on the edge. I entered Alcoholics Anonymous to seek resolve for my problems. This method worked for five years and I was temporarily able to turn my life around until severe sleep deprivation led to uncontrollable euphoria and full blown manic episodes. The next eight years can only be described as psychological warfare. Emergency rooms, inpatient hospitalisations, county jail and three totalled vehicles.
Finally, the light came on and I was able to pursue recovery again. After a few years of sobriety my friend's son died of an overdose. He unknowingly used a line of cocaine laced with fentanyl. While standing over his son’s grave, my friend pointed out the headstones of three other young adults who had died from addiction or suicide. My inner voice told me I had to do more.
I asked my therapist what I could do with my recovery story. She suggested I get involved with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I took her advice and completed two of NAMI’s training sessions, IOOV (In Our Own Voice) and Peer to Peer Training.
The In Our Own Voice training led me to present my story at CIT (Crisis Intervention Training) classes. CIT training is designed to help emergency personnel interact with people experiencing a mental health crisis. Also during this time Sheriff Stacy Kincaid was implementing a Diversion First Program in Fairfax Virginia. This program was designed to divert people with minor, non-violent offences into therapeutic services rather than a jail sentence. Since 2016, I have shared my story with about 800 individuals working in public service and now serve on the steering committee of our local CIT program.
The CIT presentations led to a peer support position - sitting with peers while they were in crisis was a great responsibility and I was honoured to be working on the other side of the glass.
I would share my impressions of people in crisis with doctors and clinicians who valued my opinion and observations. I then trained to be a certified peer support specialist for the state of Tennessee and found a position as a recovery coach at a local community college, creating a safe environment for students to share openly about substance use and mental health concerns and presenting my story candidly to students and staff alike.
As a peer navigator for the CDC Foundation, I was able to use Precipice as the basis for recovery education in two probation programs for the Tennessee Department of Corrections. I estimated the success rate of people who completed this manual to be 70-80%.
I am actively working to insert this manual into multiple correctional settings.
Recently my purpose has also moved into male on male sexual abuse advocacy. Male on male sexual abuse is one of the most taboo topics in our society. Dr. Kelli Palfy takes on this topic in her book, Men Too: Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse.
Dr. Palfy is an incredible advocate for victims. The amount of men who are sexually abused and never speak out is staggering. I believe many incarcerated men have been victims of male on male sexual abuse and never speak of the incidents out of fear of judgement. I know from experience how difficult it is for a male to admit they were abused by another male. My journey of healing only began when I found the strength to tell my wife the secret I had kept for eighteen years. The shame and confusion I carried was debilitating. Releasing the secret was a good first step, but regretfully I failed to seek professional help and I tried to bury the memories. It didn’t work.
The emotional trauma reared its ugly head during CPRS training. Our class was asked to take the ACES test. I scored a 9 out of 10 and the pain of the molestations came rushing back. I was emotionally wrecked and I had to seek more help.
I'm now 13 years into a journey of healing and I have found an amazing therapist who is using EMDR to alleviate the damage caused by the abuse. I am trying to move beyond hatred and contempt. I am also working to separate the six years of good memories we shared before the abuse began. I thank God that I have made it to a place where my peace is increasing and I am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people and organisations. My purpose continues to grow and morph into new opportunities.
On the back cover of my manual is a quote that sums up my ultimate purpose though. It says: “Success for only a few, means failure for all.”
I do not believe only 30% of people who try recovery can succeed. My grandiose thinking tells me 70-80% can recover - and I hope to prove it.
My grandmother taught me what Love is. Her deathbed words to me were: “Death cannot separate those who are bound together by the ties of true love.”
www.precipicerecovery.org
